Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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