Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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