matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm jealous of your bromance
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
