oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
