How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
