I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
