remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
