May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
