It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
