didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
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