i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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