Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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