dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
