My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
