you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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