ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
