Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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