Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
