Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
