im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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