my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
