So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
