So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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