ya dads aren't the best wingmen
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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