I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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