Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
