Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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