I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
