sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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