His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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