you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
