i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
