I feel like abortions should bother me more
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
