my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
