Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This is the high leading the old right now
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
