guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
