come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
