Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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