he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
