I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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