im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
