I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
