It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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