And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
