They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
