My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
