all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
