Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
