He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
