My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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