what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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