I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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