too bad you live with your parents still
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
