i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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