Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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