I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
