May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
