From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
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History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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