I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
