Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
