epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
