I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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