I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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