Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
