We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
