Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
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is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.