STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.