You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
