Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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