Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
