the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
