i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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