It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
