I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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