I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
