Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
