we're chasing vodka with high fives
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
