i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I checked into jail on foursquare
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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