Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
