it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
