According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
