she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
