So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
