dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
