if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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