Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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